i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
