already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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