I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
