This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
