So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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