____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
and you said cock pushups were impossible
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
