Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
