Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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