Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
