Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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