what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
