So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
