So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
