I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize