She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
