OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize