Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
