Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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