dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
