I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
