Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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