When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
