We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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