So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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