I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Come share oat with me in your robe
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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