do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
