I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize