my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
whose parrot is this?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
