Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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