I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
