can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
