you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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