Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize