never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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