Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
