the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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