you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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