Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
