I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize