No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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