Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
