Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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