we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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