five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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