Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
