Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
