Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
