Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
