he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
