My hand turned me down
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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