sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The maid of honor just puked.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
