Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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