a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
