Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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