why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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