yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
