yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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