i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
