Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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