I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
As shirtless as possible
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
