Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
