I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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