OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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