just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
