she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
