I just cut my nipple shaving
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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