Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
