Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
