3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
