I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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