My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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