I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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