Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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