I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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