the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize