is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Randomize
