my shit smells like andre
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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