a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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