Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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