Apparently you make a good broom.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
