apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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