I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it's like iHOP with fire
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
