I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
