Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
