Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize