what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
