When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
