My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
