i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
