So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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